Looking Back, Looking Forward, Getting Dizzy and Sitting Down

Then we were alone.  Sure we would get together from time to time.  But life gets lonely.  NYS gets lonely.  Then there is a nice Japanese man who doesn’t speak any of your language, but now he’s got your back.  Someone always has your back, even if it’s just your shadow.  Even that shadow is enough, for it means you are still there, the light hasn’t got the better of you yet.  Through it all you’re still here casting shadows.

Schedules form, yet somehow nothingness takes up large amounts of that time.  Small projects come and go, falling under their own weight, or maybe never making it over the first hurdle because you simply don’t have the motivation to push it over.  You throw yourself at life, trying to find a passion, trying to find that connection, trying to grasp onto something.  You have been assured of your existence, you know you are here, so now how do you make it worthwhile.

And before you know it, you are halfway there.  You feel obligated to reminisce.  You sit connected to the world every day, but still feeling alone.  You look forward more than back because you know how much back hurt.  Your body has forgotten those specific hurts, but by god it remembers that it hurt mighty, so don’t ever do again what you just finished.

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3 responses to “Looking Back, Looking Forward, Getting Dizzy and Sitting Down

  1. kim

    Happy Anniversary!

  2. Jesse

    This is a really great reflection on a year.. gave me some perspective of the ups and downs. I too favor teamwork but have also done many things alone. Kenya was very much a solo gig for 5 of the 10 months I was there about 3 years ago.

  3. Happy One year!! sounds like even Kenya is about the same, no matter where you are in the world Peace Corps is about the same thing and we have some of the same things happen or not happen for that matter. good luck with your next year!!